Still Working On It

I mentioned in my last post that my in-laws are in town.  This is a tremendous treat to my family and to me because I really do have the nicest, most-supportive parents-in-law a woman could possibly have. 

I also mentioned that in preparation for their arrival, I've been working on a number of things around the house to make it more welcoming for them including de-cluttering, re-organizing, changing around, tying up loose ends and completing projects which were outstanding.

I'm very proud of what has been accomplished since learning in September that his parents would be coming this month:
 
- put up the river rocks on the house front pillars;
- landscaped the front yard by digging up grass & putting in new plants;
- re-stuccoed the house;
- transformed the linen close;
- put in curtains in the linen closet/laundry area;
- repaired & put back a kitchen cabinet door which had broken off months ago;
- replaced the majority of burnt out recessed light bulbs (we had a bunch);
- donated a huge quantity of items to charity including clothing, toys, office stuff, kitchen stuff, etc.;
- sorted through kids' clothes;
- cleaned and straightened up the house to make it most welcoming (thank you, Albert!!!);
- decluttered the master bedroom (where my in-laws will stay but where Peter and I usually sleep)
- installed a new dishwasher (icing on the cake, baby!)

And personally, I have been much better with my time management, specifically affecting homeschooling, getting to places on time, and meal-planning which cuts down on hungry kids, frustration, aggravation, and wasted money.

This laundry list has been good for me and I know it has made a big difference in the overall appearance, function, and flow of our home, homelife, and schedule. 

Even with all these improvements, I still feel incomplete.  I still feel apologetic that there remain areas that need to be worked on.  I still feel I need to justify why I homeschool.  I feel I need to drop tidbits of information as to why the way I homeschool is good for my kids versus some other version of education.  And I feel like I'm just not good enough. 

I was telling myself that I do not need to try to explain things or apologize for my lackluster housekeeping skills.  My in-laws have known me and accepted me and loved me for the past 13 years (Peter and I dated for 5 years prior so I think they've loved me longer than just 13).  They never, EVER say anything against me or about me or make comments about my mess, in spite of the fact that they themselves are the epitome of simple yet comfortable living.  They are neat, clean, organized and uncluttered.  They are on-time all of the time.  They are gracious.  They are patient.  They are quiet and do not lose their tempers.  Seriously.  They clean up after every meal, work together, and enjoy one another's company.  And yet amazingly, even though they are the complete package, they're not judgmental. 

So why do I feel judged?  I put it on myself, I know.  It's nothing they do or anyone else does...it's entirely me seeing my flaws and putting a magnifying glass on them.  Comparing myself to them and to my other "together" friends.  A friend has told me I'm being too hard on myself and I'll nod along, but in my head I disagree because I know the truth:  I can do better. 

I can do better.

I CAN DO BETTER.

I just wish I were better at not judging myself in the process and rolling with it.

Hm.  I guess I can be better at accepting myself.

I'm still working on it.

How about you?  Are you cool with yourself?   

I Did It!*

My in-laws have come to visit!  (YAY!) They arrived last night and we are all abuzz with excitement here at the Lepe household to have them!  We learned that they would be coming back in September.  Since then, all the projects that I'd been meaning to get to suddenly got kicked into high gear in preparation for their arrival.  One of them was ordering a new dishwasher.  The "new" one we bought just 3 & a half years ago turned out to not work after many fixings & tweakings;  I decided I would rather just invest in a new one than sink any more money into that clunker.

Well, the brand-spankin' new one came yesterday (YAY!) and I am very proud to say that I installed it myself (YAY MORE!)!!!

I learned a few things.

I learned that not every new appliance comes with an electrical cord and dishwashers are one of them (this enables them to be hard-wired instead of plugged into an outlet).  I had to connect a cord into the dishwasher's electrical box.  Cool!  (I took it off of the "old" washer.)  This was a first for me!  

Here's another thing I learned:  even though it is required, not every part is provided in the box!  When Peter left for the airport to pick up his parents, our 3 kids and I piled into my car and drove to Home Depot to buy a VERY necessary part - - - a 90 degree elbow fitting that connects the water supply hose to the machine.  It only cost a few dollars but seriously, unless you're a plumber...  who knew?!?!?   And really, why not include it in the box?!?!?

And another thing I learned:  when I take on a challenge, I don't want help.  I want to do it all by myself.  I want to have that feeling of accomplishment and the right to say, "I DID IT!!!" with no asterisks.

When Peter returned home with my in-laws, the dishwasher was not yet installed (I needed to adjust the legs & back wheels to slide under the counter better, so it was lying on its back) and my father-in-law graciously offered to help.  Luckily for me, my father-in-law is one mighty nice, awesome man who is not offended by a daughter-in-law who, very much like a curious child, wants to do it all by herself.  And even luckier for me, I have an amazing mother-in-law who had warned him before even landing in L.A. that he needed to let me do my own projects.  Ha ha ha!

How truly thankful I am to have such loving and understanding family!

YIPPEE!!!!  I DID IT!!!!!

But I have a confession to make...  

Installing the dishwasher has taught me a few more things.

Even though I can say "I DID IT!" there IS an asterisk.  Actually, more than one.

*I could not have done it so easily without the setup already in place (drain line to existing air gap, plumbing already plumbed, electrical outlet with correct voltage already in the wall, correct opening in the cabinet space, etc.).  Our contractor & plumber made sure everything was good to go 3-1/2 years ago for the first dishwasher when we remodeled our house.  Changing out the not-so-old with the new was easily accomplished because the connections were all up-to-date and still in excellent condition.  So I owe Jason & Sam my thanks for making this easy for me.  Thank you!

And here's another asterisk.  

*My darling Peter and my fabulous father-in-law did not get in my way.  They let me have at it without meddling or "helping".  Thank you!  (Special thanks to my mother-in-law and kids, too, for their part in giving me space!)

Next is the MOST important asterisk.  I think I'll make it a double.  

 **My dad & mom.  You see, much of the reason why I have the notion to fix things or DIY is because of my parents, especially my dad, who was always wanting to DIY repair rather than just buy or call a professional.  Growing up, they had my siblings and me doing the stuff that needed to be done around the house, so the idea that I could fix, build, repair, and design-for-our-needs seeped into my head and is now a permanent part of who I am.  Even when I was the truculent teenager resentful of having to help, my parents drilled in me that I could accomplish whatever I set my mind out to do and expected me to finish the task at hand.

So I guess you could say that there's one last thing I learned from installing a dishwasher for the first time and here it is:

Even though I am the only one who physically installed that beautiful dishwasher that is quietly washing my dishes as I type this, I did not REALLY do it ALLLLLL by myself.  

The efforts of Jason & Sam before me paved the way;  the support of my loving family gave me the space to try without guilt or hurt feelings;  and my parents inspired me and shaped me into knowing that I can accomplish that which I set out to do.

I installed a dishwasher.

I DID IT!*,*,**

Simplify.  
Organize.
Declutter.

Hmmm......

Enter Me.

Voila!  A two-hour project magically transformed into a weeklong monster!

Designed to make my life easier, less cluttered, and more organized, my utility cabinet transformation remained unfinished for almost a week and instead made my life more complicated, more cluttered, and in more disarray than ever in the process. 

It started out with a good plan.  A simple plan.  Measure the interior dimensions of the cabinet to determine how big a board I would need.  Buy a board, cut it to size, install using L-brackets.  Drill small holes for the shelving brackets, cut down existing shelves to new size, install.  Done.

Monday:  Bought the board, had the guys at the hardware store cut it to size.  Take it home.  GREAT!

Tuesday:   Removed items out from pantry cabinet including shelves, filled up my entire kitchen with its contents and had no where to prepare food or set anything else down.  Put the board in.  Didn't fit.  The guy at the hardware store cut it 1/8th of an inch too wide.  TRUST ME, my measurements were correct.  I saw him measure at the store after he cut...why would I think he was measuring incorrectly?  If I say 22 & a 1/2 inches, I need 22 & 1/2 inches.  Not 22 & 5/8ths!!!  1/8th of an inch!!!  (It turns out, they are not responsible for "accurate" cuts and 1/8th of an inch is within their range of "acceptable" inaccuracy.)

Drove down to pick up river rock facade, kids in tow.  Drove home with over a thousand pounds of concrete rocks & mortar perched on a pallet in my minivan, and happy kids strapped in, eating the free freshly popped popcorn from the store.

Wednesday:  Life.  Rainy day.  No way to address the cabinet with the board still not fitting.  Reeeeeallly wishing I had my own table saw.  Meanwhile, the weight of the river rocks still sitting in the minivan is clearly quite heavy as my husband and I observe the minivan sitting low in the driveway.  Task:  unload the rocks (one or two at a time) and the 90-lb bags of mortar by myself, in the rain, into the garage. 

Thursday:  Getting VERY ancy with all the disarray, mess, and lack of cooking space cluttering up my entire kitchen.  Need to buy meals more often than I like and stressing about all the money getting flushed down the toilet as a result.  Ugh.  That evening, I take the board back to the store, and have it re-cut. 

Friday:  Finish up the cabinet project and get stuck again:  shelves need to be cut to size.  Take them to the store to see if they'll cut them for me (they're too wide for my mitre saw).  It's against store policy since they are not being purchased from the store.  Research table saws.  Kitchen still overrun, tolerance has run out and my stress level is high.

Saturday:   Peter's uncle helps us out by cutting down the shelves on his table saw.  THANK YOU, TIO!  Return home with shelves cut to size.  DONE.  Put the stuff back in, get rid of superfluous stuff, enjoy.  BREATHE. 

More on the river rock another time.

UPDATE:  I have been thoroughly enjoying my utility cabinet.  My brooms, mop, and bucket all fit so nicely in there and are no longer hard to find as when they had no home and migrated from room to room.  The items on the shelves are more organized and the space functions as it is supposed to.  A little more tweaking with a few more spaces in the house and I think things will be 100% how I want them to be.  For now, the utility cabinet transformation was a worthwhile project and definitely a positive change to my home, even if it did mean a week's worth of frustration.  The calm that comes of it now will last me for years.  

Care to share any home improvement, organization/declutter project of your own?

PS - lesson learned:  don't trust the store guy to measure & cut properly!!!

PS II - lesson learned:  it was all worth it.  :)

PS III - a table saw of my own would be a mighty fine thing... 

Timeless

Tonight I celebrated my mother's 78th birthday with family and friends.  What an enjoyable evening it was, seeing adults of my past, now as an adult myself.  My mother and father's friends have now become MY friends and I am warmed by their good hearts, sincerity, and love.  We shared a few laughs as they recollected stories of me in my youth!  What a wonderful bunch of people we have been blessed with in our lives! 

I am now back at home and listening to my kids secretly whisper to one another...they are supposed to be sleeping (it is now quite past their bedtime).  The practical mom in me wants, as always, to get them to stop the socializing and begin the sleeping;  but the reflective me is secretly smiling, enjoying the whispers, knowing that my kids will have memories of how they always "stayed up whispering & telling stories even after mom told them to go to bed!" and of how their dad and I would get upset with them for staying up.  Ahh, good times. This is memory-making in the works.

It may be a good twenty or thirty years (or more!) before they are in the shoes I am in today, but I hope they will enjoy the same fit.  I hope that they will be able to enjoy an evening out with MY friends and know that they have lifelong friends of their own as a result and, in the quiet of their evening, will be able to step aside from being the good parents they will be and enjoy the greatness of their children, helping them create memories along the way.

Cheers to family, friends, memories, and memories yet to come!  To Life!

Happy Birthday, Mom!  I love you!  Thank you for all the memories, great and small, that you have helped me create!