Still Working On It

I mentioned in my last post that my in-laws are in town.  This is a tremendous treat to my family and to me because I really do have the nicest, most-supportive parents-in-law a woman could possibly have. 

I also mentioned that in preparation for their arrival, I've been working on a number of things around the house to make it more welcoming for them including de-cluttering, re-organizing, changing around, tying up loose ends and completing projects which were outstanding.

I'm very proud of what has been accomplished since learning in September that his parents would be coming this month:
 
- put up the river rocks on the house front pillars;
- landscaped the front yard by digging up grass & putting in new plants;
- re-stuccoed the house;
- transformed the linen close;
- put in curtains in the linen closet/laundry area;
- repaired & put back a kitchen cabinet door which had broken off months ago;
- replaced the majority of burnt out recessed light bulbs (we had a bunch);
- donated a huge quantity of items to charity including clothing, toys, office stuff, kitchen stuff, etc.;
- sorted through kids' clothes;
- cleaned and straightened up the house to make it most welcoming (thank you, Albert!!!);
- decluttered the master bedroom (where my in-laws will stay but where Peter and I usually sleep)
- installed a new dishwasher (icing on the cake, baby!)

And personally, I have been much better with my time management, specifically affecting homeschooling, getting to places on time, and meal-planning which cuts down on hungry kids, frustration, aggravation, and wasted money.

This laundry list has been good for me and I know it has made a big difference in the overall appearance, function, and flow of our home, homelife, and schedule. 

Even with all these improvements, I still feel incomplete.  I still feel apologetic that there remain areas that need to be worked on.  I still feel I need to justify why I homeschool.  I feel I need to drop tidbits of information as to why the way I homeschool is good for my kids versus some other version of education.  And I feel like I'm just not good enough. 

I was telling myself that I do not need to try to explain things or apologize for my lackluster housekeeping skills.  My in-laws have known me and accepted me and loved me for the past 13 years (Peter and I dated for 5 years prior so I think they've loved me longer than just 13).  They never, EVER say anything against me or about me or make comments about my mess, in spite of the fact that they themselves are the epitome of simple yet comfortable living.  They are neat, clean, organized and uncluttered.  They are on-time all of the time.  They are gracious.  They are patient.  They are quiet and do not lose their tempers.  Seriously.  They clean up after every meal, work together, and enjoy one another's company.  And yet amazingly, even though they are the complete package, they're not judgmental. 

So why do I feel judged?  I put it on myself, I know.  It's nothing they do or anyone else does...it's entirely me seeing my flaws and putting a magnifying glass on them.  Comparing myself to them and to my other "together" friends.  A friend has told me I'm being too hard on myself and I'll nod along, but in my head I disagree because I know the truth:  I can do better. 

I can do better.

I CAN DO BETTER.

I just wish I were better at not judging myself in the process and rolling with it.

Hm.  I guess I can be better at accepting myself.

I'm still working on it.

How about you?  Are you cool with yourself?